So today I was driving down the road after dropping one of the kids off, thinking of all the different ways my body has been and is reacting to the different treatments I've had. I was imagining that if I could just communicate with all the different cells, tissues etc and let them know that all this seemingly harsh treatment is really for the good of the whole body, in the long run, maybe they could stop reacting you know? Just as those thoughts were tumbling through my head, it hit me: maybe this is just the thing God has been wanting to communicate to me.
Through the course of this year, there have been some pretty low times. Maybe I don't want to admit that I've reacted, and maybe worse than my body! It's very hard for me to remember that even though some of the circumstances I'm going through seem very harsh, they may be for the good of something bigger in the end. There's a song that has a line: "how can circumstances change who I forever am in you?" Very hard to remember that my identity in Christ is never changed, no matter what I'm going through. I'm not at the point where I can say that I'm glad to have gone through this year, but today was a good reminder of where my focus needs to be.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
It's all relative
I just had to laugh today. You see, it's "doctor day" at radiation. The day the doctor looks at my skin and declares how I'm "tolerating" radiation. Well, I can feel the burn, and you can see on my skin, just where I'm getting the "bolus" and where I'm being treated. Also, my surgical scar has opened in one place. Lovely. To me, this isn't great news. After all, I've had 15 treatments, and have 23 more to go. I'm thinking things will probably be pretty red and painful, and at the very least, I'll have another few months before that scar heals up again. It took 3 months to heal the first time, and now it's open again.
The nurse comes in, the doc breezes in and looks at me. "You are doing exceptionally well. Your skin looks great." ummm, what about this open area? "oh that's to be expected, you are doing just great. Lots of people are really burned by now. I can tell you are doing your skincare--keep it up!".
So, it's all relative. I could have bad burns, but I have only mild ones. My skin could be so tight that much more of the scar could be open. Keep up that skincare huh? I've already been slathering on the cream double what they told me. Keep up the good work!!
In other news, I'm thanking God AGAIN for good health insurance. I tallied up the bill for JUST radiation, through last Monday and it came to. . . . .drumroll please. . . . just under $71,000!! That was for 11 treatments, all the planning/simulation and consultations I had. Somehow, I'm feeling rich. I've had well over $100,000 worth of work on this body this year. Must mean I'm worth a lot!
The nurse comes in, the doc breezes in and looks at me. "You are doing exceptionally well. Your skin looks great." ummm, what about this open area? "oh that's to be expected, you are doing just great. Lots of people are really burned by now. I can tell you are doing your skincare--keep it up!".
So, it's all relative. I could have bad burns, but I have only mild ones. My skin could be so tight that much more of the scar could be open. Keep up that skincare huh? I've already been slathering on the cream double what they told me. Keep up the good work!!
In other news, I'm thanking God AGAIN for good health insurance. I tallied up the bill for JUST radiation, through last Monday and it came to. . . . .drumroll please. . . . just under $71,000!! That was for 11 treatments, all the planning/simulation and consultations I had. Somehow, I'm feeling rich. I've had well over $100,000 worth of work on this body this year. Must mean I'm worth a lot!
Thursday, October 20, 2011
This week
So radiation continues. Not really too much to report on that. Same story every day pretty much. This week I did have a good laugh with the therapists. . . . . I was asking what would happen if I were to cough or sneeze. . . . . the one therapist told me that it depends on the "force" but they'd just realign my position as needed. He mentioned if it was just a little throat clearing or whispering "these guys are jerks!" that my treatment would not be affected, but my wait time might :) I seized the opportunity and yesterday, when they told me "we're putting the cold material on you now" I yelled out "Andre's a jerk!!!" Andre had left the room, but the other therapists had a good laugh.
In other news, we had a fun field trip to Tanaka Farms this week. Tractor rides, petting zoo, corn maze, and veggie picking. I think everyone liked the "pick your own pumpkin" at the end.
In other news, we had a fun field trip to Tanaka Farms this week. Tractor rides, petting zoo, corn maze, and veggie picking. I think everyone liked the "pick your own pumpkin" at the end.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Parade Pictures
Seems like the only time I get pictures of Hannah with her horses, they are in parades. Going to need to do something about that. For now, here's the latest parade :)
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
plodding along
kind of what it feels like. still keeping on, not too many changes.
Doctor day was actually better than I thought it would be. Apparently on Mondays they also take additional films to make sure all the beams are still lining up correctly. While I'm very grateful at their diligence to keep things precise, this week, I was in a hurry. Emily had a doc appt at 2, and they finished radiation and films at 1:50. I was still supposed to see the doc.
Here is where it is a little funny. I'm running around the hallways in my little hospital gown, trying to find the nurse to explain that I'm ducking out early. Can't find her. The doc finds me, and sweetly agrees to see me, and have the nurse follow up the next day. We managed to get out of there, and over to Emily's appointment just on time!
Today I found out, is social worker day. Kind of makes me afraid of what some of the other days are. . . . Anyway, the social worker showed up and said she'd like to see me after radiation. Very nice and all, but I'm kind of getting a little irritated with this. When *I* want to see someone, I have to call (sometimes get a referral before calling), WAIT for an appointment, and then I better show up on time. Somehow all these people waltz up (while I'm not even fully clothed mind you) and expect me to be happy to see them. Harumph!!
So I saw this lady, and while I'm sure she meant well, I was kind of feeling she was a little late. Her "goal" is to lend a listening ear and help me find the support I need. Hmmmm. I mentioned to her that this is the last stop on this long trip. For whatever reason, she had no idea that I've already been through a lot of treatment. I wanted to suggest that she might do better next door, where they actually hand out the diagnoses, but I refrained. I smiled, nodded and thanked her for her help. I tried not to look at my watch till after she left the room :)
As far as side effects, not too bad, but then again, I'm only on treatment #7 tomorrow. I had to laugh at the comment "are you feeling fatigue?" Hmmm, still feeling all that chemo, and I homeschool 5 kids. If I weren't tired, maybe they should check for a pulse. Wonder if I'll notice when the fatigue sets in.
Doctor day was actually better than I thought it would be. Apparently on Mondays they also take additional films to make sure all the beams are still lining up correctly. While I'm very grateful at their diligence to keep things precise, this week, I was in a hurry. Emily had a doc appt at 2, and they finished radiation and films at 1:50. I was still supposed to see the doc.
Here is where it is a little funny. I'm running around the hallways in my little hospital gown, trying to find the nurse to explain that I'm ducking out early. Can't find her. The doc finds me, and sweetly agrees to see me, and have the nurse follow up the next day. We managed to get out of there, and over to Emily's appointment just on time!
Today I found out, is social worker day. Kind of makes me afraid of what some of the other days are. . . . Anyway, the social worker showed up and said she'd like to see me after radiation. Very nice and all, but I'm kind of getting a little irritated with this. When *I* want to see someone, I have to call (sometimes get a referral before calling), WAIT for an appointment, and then I better show up on time. Somehow all these people waltz up (while I'm not even fully clothed mind you) and expect me to be happy to see them. Harumph!!
So I saw this lady, and while I'm sure she meant well, I was kind of feeling she was a little late. Her "goal" is to lend a listening ear and help me find the support I need. Hmmmm. I mentioned to her that this is the last stop on this long trip. For whatever reason, she had no idea that I've already been through a lot of treatment. I wanted to suggest that she might do better next door, where they actually hand out the diagnoses, but I refrained. I smiled, nodded and thanked her for her help. I tried not to look at my watch till after she left the room :)
As far as side effects, not too bad, but then again, I'm only on treatment #7 tomorrow. I had to laugh at the comment "are you feeling fatigue?" Hmmm, still feeling all that chemo, and I homeschool 5 kids. If I weren't tired, maybe they should check for a pulse. Wonder if I'll notice when the fatigue sets in.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Radiation
I realized it has been a while since I updated. oops. sorry.
This week I had my "simulation" on Monday. I understood it to be a 30 minute appt, insted it was 1 HOUR and 30 minutes. ugh. Do you know how difficult it is to "hold still, don't move" on a hard narrow table, with your arms over your head for AN ENTIRE HOUR?! I do. The techs were very kind and understanding, even when I cried over the tatoos. Yes, tatoos. I'm told that at the proper magnification they look like a bouquet of flowers. Hmmmm.
Anyway, after the simulation, I had "skincare instructions". Wouldn't seem bad, except they told me that usually they start skincare at the 2 week mark. They wanted me to start the day before I started radiation. Hmmm. Well, you do what you can right? Got my creams, lotions and potions and we'll see how it goes.
The rest of this week has been the come in, get changed, lay down, don't move, get changed, go home. Not too bad. Now maybe it's only me, but when you are lying there and everyone is out of the room, crazy thoughts go through my head. Like, "they are coming back right?" and "that machine didn't get stuck on the ON position right?" The first day I counted how many seconds of actual radiation I was getting, but the other days I lost track before the end. I wanted to use it as a prayer time, but there is a lot of stopping and starting and that disturbs my concentration :)
Monday is "doctor day" at the radiation office. Doesn't really sound like much fun, but I guess we'll see. The good doctor ordered labwork, which I'm hoping he doesn't do too often. 2 sticks just for blood and I'm about done with needles. This Monday I have to take Emily to the doctor right after radiation, so I'm hoping he will make it snappy.
In other news, life continues to march on. Emily had her 2nd infusion of her new medicine this week--with no apparent side effects! Yay! She and I went to a college fair last night and found several colleges that have her field of interest. Sunday Hannah gets to go to her first Rodeo. She isn't IN the rodeo, but is really excited about it. I'm hoping she will wear her new boots she got last weekend. . . and the spurs too!
This week I had my "simulation" on Monday. I understood it to be a 30 minute appt, insted it was 1 HOUR and 30 minutes. ugh. Do you know how difficult it is to "hold still, don't move" on a hard narrow table, with your arms over your head for AN ENTIRE HOUR?! I do. The techs were very kind and understanding, even when I cried over the tatoos. Yes, tatoos. I'm told that at the proper magnification they look like a bouquet of flowers. Hmmmm.
Anyway, after the simulation, I had "skincare instructions". Wouldn't seem bad, except they told me that usually they start skincare at the 2 week mark. They wanted me to start the day before I started radiation. Hmmm. Well, you do what you can right? Got my creams, lotions and potions and we'll see how it goes.
The rest of this week has been the come in, get changed, lay down, don't move, get changed, go home. Not too bad. Now maybe it's only me, but when you are lying there and everyone is out of the room, crazy thoughts go through my head. Like, "they are coming back right?" and "that machine didn't get stuck on the ON position right?" The first day I counted how many seconds of actual radiation I was getting, but the other days I lost track before the end. I wanted to use it as a prayer time, but there is a lot of stopping and starting and that disturbs my concentration :)
Monday is "doctor day" at the radiation office. Doesn't really sound like much fun, but I guess we'll see. The good doctor ordered labwork, which I'm hoping he doesn't do too often. 2 sticks just for blood and I'm about done with needles. This Monday I have to take Emily to the doctor right after radiation, so I'm hoping he will make it snappy.
In other news, life continues to march on. Emily had her 2nd infusion of her new medicine this week--with no apparent side effects! Yay! She and I went to a college fair last night and found several colleges that have her field of interest. Sunday Hannah gets to go to her first Rodeo. She isn't IN the rodeo, but is really excited about it. I'm hoping she will wear her new boots she got last weekend. . . and the spurs too!
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