Oncology

Had my first oncology appointment yesterday. Each appointment brings this closer, and makes it more clear to me: this is really happening. I keep hoping someone will tell me that it was a mistake, that those films weren't really mine, the biopsy was really negative etc etc. My head knows that isn't true, but my heart is very gullible at this point.

The oncologist is the same doctor who my mother saw when she had her cancer 2 yrs ago. Everyone in the office was very nice, and I like the doctor. He is very supportive and went so far as to tell me "I am your advocate. The insurance will fight me, but I will win, because I am the doctor, and you don't have to worry about insurance." Kind of nice.

I wasn't so fond of what he had to say about treatment, and what the future may hold for me. In fact, I'm just not ready to really talk about all that. It will be much more than I was anticipating. We did go ahead with genetic testing, to see if I have the famous "breast cancer gene mutation". If I do, that will determine a lot in the way of treatment recommendations.

Some prayer requests. . . . . . Tuesday there will be an interdisciplinary meeting (lots of surgeons, oncologists, radiologists and I can't remember who else) that get together and discuss my case. The purpose is to use their combined expertise to figure out the most beneficial treatment plan for me. Please pray that they have wisdom, and clarity of thought.

You can also pray for me as I've been very sad the last couple days. Not sure if I'm going through stages of emotional acceptance or what, but I'm sad. I know it is normal, but I'm struggling. Please also pray for my kids as they come to accept all this in their own ways. They aren't used to being left with friends/relatives etc while Mom goes off. In fact, I've probably had more doctor appointments in this last week, than I have had in the last year. Pray that I can accept it is okay to ask for help with them, and pray that they will enjoy the time with friends and family.

Kind of a downer today. Maybe I should talk about my "goodie bag". Some of that seems kind of ironic. "Here, you have cancer so you can have this cute bag filled with stuff!" More reading material than I will be able to go through in a lifetime, a "chemotherapy cookbook" a comfort pillow (which I actually really like), cosmetic bag, nail files, and I can't remember what all else. Then the bag itself is a cute pink canvas thing. Too bad it says "Breast center" on one side. I think my children would be mortified if I ever actually used it in public. It is cute though.